| *sigh... |
[May. 19th, 2004|05:55 am] |
well its been a long time since ive written but ive been really really busy with everything. ya know the usual bullshit. yesterday was a half day and i went over davids house and we hung out and then we played baseball lol wow it was itneresting. then after that i went to practice. oh man not good. ld was definitly intoxicated. lol who knew that the only 8th grader on our team would show up drunk. it was funny shit. scooter told me a funny story in the car and then i went home and had a shitty night which ended in 3 episodes of law and order :) nice way to end the day....
other than that nothings new nothing interesting i havent been doing much of anything...ttyl... |
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| i dont fit |
[May. 10th, 2004|06:12 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  rejected | ] |
| [ | music |
| | nuffin | ] |
i know i havent written in awhile...i havent had time...but here...
ok well ive been thinking and well...idk...i just dont seem to fit in with anyone again. like i had that one really cool couple of days with everyone and we had a lot of fun but like, i dunno, thats it and thats all. nothing ever happened afterward. its like i dont exist anymore. i always feel .like im butting into everybody who already has a tight-knit group of friends. and some of them dont even want me around :-\ no matter how hard i try or what i do im not gonna fit in. i give up...this is just how things are gonna be. i have david. i dunno why im not happy. i mean omg am i happy with david. i love him more and more every second i spend with him and not a second less when im not with him. but i have no *GIRLFRIENDS* and even now with my current situation as far as having only one day with friends or david ive thought of a way to make it work so that i could have one day with david AND one day with friends without losing time or getting into trouble. its pointless. ill use that day to spend with david. its not worth all this energy. its obvious. i just dont know why i didnt see it before... |
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| im so sick... |
[Apr. 27th, 2004|08:07 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  i just wanna go to fweep :( | ] |
| [ | music |
| | norah jones | ] |
oh man i do not feel well at all. a little before softball practice last night i wasnt feeling well and i didnt eat anything and i got worse just as i was going to practice so when i got there coach just sent me home and i didnt get to do anything. i got home at like seven thirty and i just went to bed and fell asleep and i havent been up until now. i just feel so yucky :( i miss david a lot too and i have to feel better so i can hang out with ronnie this weekend. i cant wait! i wanna have a sleepover kinda thing on friday but i havent talked to her about it yet. oh well. im just gonna go in late but ill be there. i wanna get to school at like 5th period but i wanna look ok too. i dont wanna look sick. god i hate looking sick.it makes me feel worse than i feel then.
ill hopefully get my knee brace today and im definitly going to practice. ive had my rest. i have to get back on track now. fuck i have to get all that make up work for all the classes. goddamn it. oh well...lemme start to go get all ready to look ok lol so i can get my ass to school to see david :) and ronnie :P
...yuck... |
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| ha ha |
[Apr. 26th, 2004|06:30 am] |
hee hee now that ive adopted a cute lil fetus ive decided to adopt a cute lil eggie thatll hatch into a cutesy baby!! yay lol!
 |
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| funny stuff! |
[Apr. 22nd, 2004|10:54 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  tired | ] |
| [ | music |
| | nuffin... | ] |
omg this shit is funny lol...
whoa lol this one was scary!
lol behind a bowling alley lol i almost said blowing alley...I am the pro bowler lol i almost said pro blower...
lol i had to do this one just cuz dave plays hockey but i have no idea wtf it means lol i gotta ask him...
last one lol this one was the best one :)
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 21st, 2004|08:19 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  giggly me :0) | ] |
| [ | music |
| | the date rape song! woohoo! | ] |
OMG! this is the greatest song ever lol and it needed to be downloaded so i did fuckin awesome lol so here are the lyrics ill write for the day later. lmfao its so great...ass rape...lol
Let me tell you about a girl I know,
had a drink about a hour ago.
Sitting in a corner by herself, in a bar in downtown Hell.
She heard a noise and she looked through the door.
And saw a man she'd never seen before.
Light skin, light blue eyes, a double-chin and a plastic smile.
Well, her heart raced as he walked through the door
And took an empty seat next to her at the bar.
"My brand new car is parked right outside. How'd ya like to go for a ride?"
And she said."Wait a minute I have to think."
He said, "That's fine. May I please buy you a drink"
One drink turned into 3 or 4 and they left and got into his car
and drove away someplace real far.
Now babe the time has come.
How'd ya like to have a little fun?
And she said." If we could only please be on our way, I will not run."
That's when things got out of control.
She didn't want to, he had his way.
She said, "Let's Go"
He said, "No Way!"
Come on babe it's your lucky day.
Shut your mouth, were gonna do it my way.
Come on baby don't be afraid,
if it wasn't for date rape I'd never get laid.
He finished up and he started the car
He turned around and drove back to the bar.
He said. "Now baby don't be sad, in my opinion you weren't half-bad."
She picked up a rock, threw it at the car, hit him in the head, now his got a big scar. Come on party people won't you listen to me.
Date Rape Stylee.
The next day she went to her drawer, looked up her local attorney at law,
went to the phone and filed the police report and then she took the guy's ass to court. Well, the day he stood in front of the judge he screamed, " She lies that little slut!" The judge knew that he was full of shit and he gave him 25 years
And now his heart is filled with tears.
One night in jail it was getting late.
He was butt-raped by a large inmate, and he screamed.
But the guards paid no attention to his cries.
That's when things got out of control.
The moral of the date rape story, it does not pay to be drunk and horny.
But that's the way it had to be.
They locked him up and threw away the key.
Well, I can't take pity on men of his kind,
even though he now takes it in the behind.
That's when things got out of control.
The moral of the date rape story, it does not pay to be drunk and horny.
But that's the way it had to be.
They locked him up and threw away the key.
Well, I can't take pity on men of his kind,
even though he now takes it in the behind.
DATE RAPE
She didn't want to TAKE IT! |
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| woohoo... |
[Apr. 21st, 2004|06:21 am] |
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well oh man i totally forgot to tell you! well every year ya know how theres a fake crash with all the police and shit well guess whos gonna be in it? FUCK YEAH! lol me. on may 3rd i get legally exucsed from school and im goin to nfa to cosmetology where theyll do my make up and all that good shit to make me look liek i just got fucked up in a crash and then theyre gonna tell me what to do and where they need me to be and im gonna do it! woohoo lol im so excited!! im gonna look so crazy. itll be weird to see myself all messed up l;ike a real crash. im gonna take lots of pics and show them to my dad and be lke BITCH see this shit yeah! oh man am i hyper. i dnot even know why...well ill tell you more later...peace! |
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| well well well... |
[Apr. 16th, 2004|06:20 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  quixotic | ] |
| [ | music |
| | WOOP WOOP! im hyperrreeeee | ] |
well im in third period right now and me and jessica are crazy bitches lol. we were tlaking and we're gonna work together! WOOHOO! we write each other notes now and we're gonna be goood friends right ronnie? RIGHT!! WOOHOO!
Lexy and Veronica
Open 24/7
Cum on in!
whoa! how old is that? pretty old...i was just thinkin of mems...
.spinthebottleonline.the hott guys. downloading that girls pic and having everyone sending us shit. FOAMY! i kicked the shit lol. THUD! omg i think we just got shot! hiding the cake :0) getting raped in debbies front lawn. blackbirds lol. "i dont wanna have kids owwww". mydaddysafaggot8. you threw the calendar at him lol. he was cooking weiners. walking around the neighborhood lookin like whores. kizzle dizzle tizzle and jizzle. kizzle screaming g-unit. that dude following us. me leaving the juice in the living room and you thought it was someone else* stealing horaks shirt and having him chase don for it. seeing that kid jogging and just looking at the ground. seeing all the cops while we were walking. we were in jeans motha fucka! the underwear bag lol. the hot chick. the ghosts. "hey is that your gramma? you look just like her!...no tarryn that pic came with the frame :( oh lol"...
WE NEED MORE BITCH!!! |
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| boredom |
[Apr. 15th, 2004|11:25 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  mellow yellow me | ] |
| [ | music |
| | the reason | ] |
today was a case of major boredom...it felt like i did nothing all day. i talked to jess tonight which was good. i really need to hang out with her more. i feel like im far away from david but hes right there. i dunno. i always want him as close to me as possible and yet hes so out of reach. i dont wanna leave him during class and stuff. idk whats up with me. like today we were watching osmosis jones and i just wanted to sit there and have him hold me and then i just wished we were somewhere else. i dunno. i need more alone time with him...
will write later...
david <3*
...im not a perfect person i never meant to do those things to you so i have to say before i go i just want you to know ive found a reason for me to change who i used to be a reason to start over new...and the reason is you...ive found a reason to show a side of me you didnt know a reason for all that i do...and the reason is you... |
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| nothing new... |
[Apr. 14th, 2004|08:17 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  *thinkin... | ] |
| [ | music |
| | this love has taken its toll on me... | ] |
well today was an ok day i guess. last night was really good. me and david talked for awhile and we're back on track with everything. its almost like i never left :) ive felt like crap lately which sucks and ive had softball non-stop but thats to be expected. practice was good today and then we went to the batting cages which was cool i guess i mean whatever.
i came back to something suprising and disappointing and deceiving all at the same time...im not really sure how to respond to it except that i really wish that i had the time to make room right now for this person but im not sure if i have enough time and energy. ive tried and ive thought about it and i dont wanna lose her but im not sure why its all of a sudden like this. idk im confused. i really really really wanna movethings around and make room for this person in my life again but ive done it before and it seems like things never change. i always end up feeling left out or like she doesnt have time for me because she has true friends. ive never had a true friend. i can honestly say that i dont have a true best friend. it seems ljke the only people i have left are david, my mom and devyn :( this is awful....someone help me....i need advice on what to do!!
im gonna go contemplate more...ill write later... |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 13th, 2004|10:34 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  im content | ] |
| [ | music |
| | tell meee that we belong togetherrr | ] |
What is your name?: tarryn
Are you named after anyone?: nope
What's your screename?: iheartdavid0
Would you name a child of yours after you?: nahh
If you were born a member of the opposite sex what would your name be?: joe
If you could switch names with a friend who would it be?: hmm...jackie
Are there any mispronounciations/typos that ppl do w/ your name constantly?: yeah i get taryn a lot and some call me karen or tara...it bites!
Would you drop your last name if you became famous?: nahh
Basics
Your gender:: female
Straight/Gay/Bi:: straight!
Single?: not at all <3*
If not, do you want to be?: not at all <3*
Birthdate:: July 17, 1989
Your age:: 14
Age you act:: some say 40 lol
Age you wish you were:: 17
Your height:: 5'0
Eye color:: blue
Happy with it?: yeah but i wish they were green
Hair color:: durrty blonde
Happy with it?: yup i guess
Lefty/righty/ambidextrous:: ambi baby!
Your living arrangement:: with my madre
Your family:: mom, dev, gretchen and kitty
Have any pets?: gretchen and kitty
Whats your job?: im a student
Piercings?: my ears and belly button
Tattoos?: not yet
Obsessions?: lol hmm most would say david
Addictions?: food! and david
Do you speak another language?: espanol
Have a favorite quote?: umm...nope
Do you have a webpage?: used to
Deep Thoughts About Life and You in it
Do you live in the moment?: sometimes but most of hte time i end up worrying about tomorrow or thinking about the past
Do you have any secrets?: uh huh
Do you hate yourself?: most of the time
Do you like your handwriting?: its sloppy
Do you have any bad habits?: uh huh
What is the compliment you get from most people?: i dont
If a movie was made about your life, what would it be called?: idk something dumb
What's your biggest fear?: my mom dying
Can you sing?: i can sing, just not well lol
Do you ever pretend to be someone else just to look cool?: nahh not really
Are you a loner?: sometimes...depends on my mood
What are your #1 priorities in life?: family
If you were another person, would you be friends with you?: lol prolly not
Are you a daredevil?: sometimes
Is there anything you fear or hate about yourself?: yup lol but lets not get into that...
Are you passive or agressive?: lol definitly agressive
Do you have a journal?: yup
What is your greatest strength and weakness?: strength? my moral weakness? my daddy
If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?: id change me lol
Do you think you are emotionally strong?: it depends on what aobut
Is there anything you regret doing/not doing in life?: yea
Do you think life has been good so far?: yes and no
What is the most important lesson you've learned from life?: no matter how hard you try or want it, you cant change someone
What do you like the most about your body?: umm n/a
And least?: lol whoo bring on the list
Do you think you are good looking?: no
Are you confident?: sometimes
What is the fictional character you are most like?: i dunno
Are you perceived wrongly?: most likely ya
Do You...
Smoke?: no
Do drugs?: no
Read the newspaper?: the funnies ya
Pray?: yes
Go to church?: yup
Talk to strangers who IM you?: no one ever IMs me lol
Sleep with stuffed animals?: yup
Take walks in the rain?: yup
Talk to people even though you hate them?: ha ha you have to talk to your own daddy dont you?
Drive?: no
Like to drive fast?: im gonna
Would or Have You Ever?
Liked your voice?: no i hate it
Hurt yourself?: yea i fell down
Been out of the country?: is that USA?
Eaten something that made other people sick?: yup
Been in love?: still am <3*
Done drugs?: no
Gone skinny dipping?: umm not that i remember
Had a medical emergency?: yup
Had surgery?: kinda but idt its SURGERY
Ran away from home?: yup
Played strip poker?: ...and lost
Gotten beaten up?: nope
Beaten someone up?: heh heh yes
Been picked on?: all the time
Been on stage?: yup
Slept outdoors?: yup
Thought about suicide?: yup
Pulled an all nighter?: yup
If yes, what is your record?: umm until 4 the next day
Gone one day without food?: ha never
Talked on the phone all night?: hmm...does texting count lol
Slept together with the opposite sex w/o actually having sex?: yup
Slept all day?: not ALL day but til like 1
Killed someone?: i wish
Made out with a stranger?: nope
Had sex with a stranger?: nope
Thought you're going crazy?: bitch i am crazy lol
Kissed the same sex?: yup
Done anything sexual with the same sex?: define sexual lol
Been betrayed?: yup
Had a dream that came true?: no...a nightmare tho
Broken the law?: hmm prolly
Met a famous person?: yup
Have you ever killed an animal by accident?: yeah
On purpose?: not that i remember
Told a secret you swore you wouldn't tell?: yup an ill never do it again
Stolen anything?: yup
Been on radio/tv?: tv yeah
Been in a mosh-pit?: nope
Had a nervous breakdown?: lets not go there
Bungee jumped?: not yet
Had a dream that kept coming back?: yup
Beliefs
Belive in life on other planets?: not really
Miracles?: yup
Astrology?: yup
Magic?: nah
God?: yes
Satan?: uhh
Santa?: yup
Ghosts?: eh
Luck?: yes
Love at first sight?: yes
Yin and yang (that good cant exist w/o bad)?: uh huh
Witches?: uhh
Easter bunny?: yup
Believe its possible to remain faithful forever?: if you try hard enough
Believe theres a pot of gold at the end of a rainbow?: uhh technologically speaking ya
Do you wish on stars?: uh huh
Deep Theological Questions
Do you believe in the traditional view of Heaven and Hell?: ehh nah
Do you think God has a gender?: umm kinda
Do you believe in organized religion?: yes and no
Where do you think we go when we die?: i think they go to their own heaven like state
Friends
Do you have any gay/lesbian friends?: yup
Who is your best friend?: i really dont have a solid bf
Who's the one person that knows most about you?: no one
What's the best advice that anyone has ever given to you?: way too much advice from way too many people...
Your favourite inside joke?: umm...mashed potatoes**
Thing you're picked on most about?: my boobs or lack there of
Who's your longest known friend?: umm...
Newest?: kak
Shyest?: idk
Funniest?: idk
Sweetest?: idk
Closest?: n/a
Weirdest?: uhh
Smartest?: alex
Ditziest?: uhh
Friends you miss being close to the most?: like i said before...i dont have any true friends...
Last person you talked to online?: david
Who do you talk to most online?: david
Who are you on the phone with most?: david
Who do you trust most?: myself
Who listens to your problems?: BARB! and dave and my mommy
Who do you fight most with?: devyn
Who's the nicest?: uhh
Who's the most outgoing?: idk!!
Who's the best singer?: ...
Who's on your shit-list?: hee hee lots
Have you ever thought of having sex with a friend?: uhh no
Who's your second family?: ...
Do you always feel understood?: not always
Who's the loudest friend?: idk
Do you trust others easily?: depends
Who's house were you last at?: lol I HAVE NO FRIENDS!
Name one person who's arms you feel safe in: david def.
Do your friends know you?: not really
Friend that lives farthest away: uhh
Love and All That
Do you consider love a mistake?: not at all
What do you find romantic?: lots of thinks
Turn-on?: ha ha lol :-X
Turn-off?: haha i dont ahve to deal with them!
First kiss?: hmm...louis racanelli truth or dare on the bus ride home from skiing lol wow i cant believe i remember that!
If someone u had no interest in had interest in dating u how would u feel?: bad
Do you prefer knowing someone before dating them or going: yes
Have u ever wished it was more socially acceptable 4 a girl 2 ask a guy out: it doesnt matter to me
Have you ever been romantically attracted to someone physically unattractive: yeah
Do you think the opposite sex finds you good looking?: lol no
What is best about the opposite sex?: penis lol
What is the worst thing about the opposite sex?: nothing
What's the last present someone gave you?: my necklace :)
Are you in love?: uh huh :)
Do you consider your significant other hot?: uh huh
Who Was the Last Person...
That haunted you?: no one lol
You wanted to kill?: my dad
That you laughed at?: myself
That laughed at you?: myself
That turned you on?: hee hee do i even have to say?
You went shopping with?: amber
That broke your heart?: umm i dont wanna talk about it
To disappoint you?: myself
To ask you out?: david
To make you cry?: myself
To brighten up your day?: david
That you thought about?: david
You saw a movie with?: dave
You talked to on the phone?: dave
You talked to through IM/ICQ?: dave
You saw?: dave
You lost?: well to me...it feels like everyday i lose my daddy :\
Right This Moment...
Are you going out?: no
Will it be with your significant other?: awww i wish!
Or some random person?: no
What are you wearing right now?: undies, a bra, jeans, and tee shirt and slippers
Body part you're touching right now: none
What are you worried about right now?: nothing at all :)
What book are you reading?: none
What's on your mousepad?: "DELL"
Use 5 words to describe how you're feeling: loved, happy, carefree, tired, safe
Are you bored?: nope
Are you tired?: nope not really
Are you talking to anyone online?: dave
Are you talking to anyone on the phone?: nope
Are you lonely or content?: both cuz im happy where i am but i always feel lonely unless im with dave
Are you listening to music?: yup
...The strands in your eyes that color them wonderful
Stop me and steal my breath
Emeralds from mountains thrust toward the sky
Never revealing their depth
Tell me that we belong together
Dress it up with the trappings of love
I'll be captivated
I'll hang from your lips
Instead of the gallows of heartache that hang from above
I'll be your crying shoulder
I'll be love suicide
I'll be better when I'm older
I'll be the greatest fan of your life
Rain falls angry on the tin roof
As we lie awake in my bed
You're my survival, you're my living proof
My love is alive not dead
Tell me that we belong together
Dress it up with the trappings of love
I'll be captivated I'll hang from your lips
Instead of the gallows of heartache, that hang from above
I'll be your crying shoulder
I'll be love suicide
I'll be better when I'm older
I'll be the greatest fan of your life
I've been dropped out, burned up, fought my way back from the dead
Tuned in, turned on, Remembered the things that you said
I'll be your crying shoulder
I'll be love suicide
I'll be better when I'm older
I'll be the greatest fan of your life
GOD I LOVE THAT SONG! |
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| what went down... |
[Apr. 12th, 2004|10:39 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  i feel weird | ] |
| [ | music |
| | ill beee your cryin' shoulder...and ill be... | ] |
well im home from myrtle beach and omg. the best spring break of my life. the ride down was boring but it wasnt as bad as i thought it would be at all. i had to pee like every hour though lol not good. i barely slept on the way down either. anyways, i ended up staying with the maisonets. we got there like 6 friday morning and we showered and went on the beach. we chilled there for a little while and we went out to breakfast which was cool. the first day all we did was chilled. then on saturday everyone started arriving. me and nick and steve and alyssa walked to wings and we just browsed cuz there was really nothing i wanted at first and then i ended up buying this cute skirt yay lol. then saturday night me, nick, amber, steve, scooter, britney, and lauren went down to the beach to hang out. of course amber and steve and nick decided to use their new shot glasses. i was a good girl though and declined a double shot of vodka. me and lauren went up early and everybody came up to the room later. amber was totaled lol it was so funny. steve threw a table off the balcony and threw a beer bottle into the pool of the condo tower next to us. meanwhile amber was throwing teddy grahams at me and scooter. by the end of the evening i was dragging amber into our room and giving her aspirin and gatorade. it was an eventful night. then on sunday hmm sunday what happened sunday. sunday everyone was good from the night before and it was another day of chillin i mean nothing really special happened. omg wednesday night was fun as hell. alyssa got totally smashed. nick and steve gave her 8 shots of vodka and she was jumping around the condo yelling like crazy. matt went out and got 2 cases of beer that nick and steve and matt ended up finishing and again i declined the offer (2 points for me!). alyssa would NOT sober up for anything though and we all thought that she'd feel it in the morning but nick got her up at 4 and had her throw up so at practice the next morning she was fine. she was saying some funny ass shit though. eww i found out that steve has his scrotum pierced. ouchies. i fought with david that night and i talked to nick a lot about it and all that good stuff ha ha i stole his NFA crew sweatshirt so now i have another. every night we went out somewhere different and that night we went to the guzs room lol partay. then like i said we had practice thursday and then we did whatever thursday night i dont even remember and then friday we waged war on the coaches and then we went to the pavilion. omg friday was fucking awesome. we took ocean boulevard which is the center of spring break and we had 5 ppl in the back seat of the car and everybody was yelling at ppl on the sidewalk and there were guys coming up to the cars and shit. we got yelled at by this cop riding a bicycle tho for having too many people in the back seat without a seatbelt so we went straight to the pavilion after that and our car almost got towed. yay. not! then we went back to mase's condo and chap started drinking and got smashed and so did amber but everyone else stayed pretty sober. i mean for once steve and nick wait nevermind nick was drinking and again i got offered and declined. idk im happy that i didnt drink or anything cuz even then it was still fun and its not like i wasnt the only one cuz kak wasnt drinking either. i guess i got kinda tan over the whole week and my softball improved but there was still a lot of bullshit and other stuff that ahppened im just too tired to write and i just dont care. i miss david. i called his cell and texted him when i got home but he isnt answering and for once my mom said that he could come over immediately. soooo im sitting here waiting for him...
i missed everyone a lot :-(
i cried more than ever this vaca. too :-\
it almost seems like things wont be the same... |
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| to david... |
[Apr. 1st, 2004|02:50 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  I LOVE YOU DAVID! | ] |
| [ | music |
| | i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you!!!!!! | ] |
david this is for you. im writing this to tell you how much i love you and how much im going to miss you. i want you to know that these next 11 days wont influence how i feel about you. ill always love you just as much as i do now and nothing will ever change that-ever. i want you to know that im gonna be thinking about you no matter where i am or what im doing or where ill be, youll always be on my mind. whenever i lay on the beach ill be thinking of you, or playing softball or whatever im doing...ill ALWAYS think of you! dont be afraid that youll lose me or that ill leave you because i wont. im gonna try and have fun in myrtle beach but ill be good and safe and all that good stuff too ok? ill take lots of pictures and everything too!
I LOVE YOU DAVID!
i miss you already
ill never leave you*
i just want you to know how much i love you... |
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| long time no speak... |
[Apr. 1st, 2004|06:26 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  im anxious and sad all at once | ] |
wow i havent written in this for awhile. ive been kinda busy i guess. i finally finished that goddamn paper that was a bunch of BULLSHIT to beign with. im leaving for myrtle beach today. idk i mean im excuted about the beach and all but as far as david goes im gonna miss him an incredible amount. i cant take my cell and my mom wont let me take hers so im not gonna be in contact with anyone. that means no speakie to david for 11 whole days. im gonna be so upset. i was damn well suprised when i had people telling me that they were gonna miss me and they were all hugging me and everything. and its only 3rd period! it was weird and unexpected. i didnt think people would really care all that much except for david. oh well. i still dont think i have any friends lol.
myrtle beach is gonna be fun i guess but since my mom wont be there im gonna be anal the whole time about people drinking and doing bad things and staying out of trouble. i have to be a good girl. plus i dont even wanna drink. i just dont feel like dealing with that shit. i started making a list of things im gonna bring back to people and who im gonna bring things back to. i cant wait. the only thing that im really interested in is the beach itself and getting a tan. im gonna come back all toasty looking and blonde lol. im gonna miss everybody. i just hope amandas little brothers dont drive me crazy. i ahve to make sure that i take LOTs of pictures tho so i can show everybody...im gonna miss david so much...
alrighty i better get goin...
:-\ im really gonna be homesick for people i can feel it already...
its one of those fluttery nervous feelings in your heart and it feels like i have a hole in my heart *jessica :-(
im gonna miss everyone!
...especially david :'( |
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| today was garbage... |
[Mar. 28th, 2004|09:49 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | pondering... | ] |
| [ | music |
| | ...silence... | ] |
well today was a garbage day...i got up mad early and went to devyns swim meet and then i went to the libary and then to the mall to get clothes for myrtle beach and then home to do all that paper shit or whatever...i took a quiz that scared me a lot and this is what it said:
You're suffering from what I call, Deep Depression. No matter what your outward appearances, you seem to be always deepressed. Nothing ever seems right. You can't remeber a time of happiness. You think lifes not worth it and at least thought of suicide...possibly tried it. You don't like to be left alone, cause the mind wanders to things you don't want to remember. Any of your close friends try to cheer you up...and outwardly they do, but this type of depression really deep...most things can't reach. You tend to think yourself worthless and unloved...and that hurts deeply, especially when you care about a few people. You have problems making yourself do anything. You seem to always be tired and have trouble sleeping. You hate life and can't wait for the release from it. It seems to be endless suffering. You belive that no one truly understands you...you don't talk about it much cause no one understands and you're sick of hearing it...
is that really true? god i hope not...even though it makes a lot of sense and it would explain a lot...i need to ponder... |
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| good day... |
[Mar. 27th, 2004|11:24 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  im okay | ] |
today was mostly a good day...i had the three scrimmages and i was dancing on the field cuz i made a double play lol and i talked to coach V about getting a ride down to myrtle beach...im riding with them...im leaving after our first game on thursday which means i dont have much time left with david...not good...woohoo i made a great double play lol!! hmm what else...
OMG OMG OMG!! i got my dress for the dance prom thingie at the end of the year. it is soooo cute. but im nervous. im afraid cuz its black and pink and im scurred that ill be the only one wearing black. im sure there'll be someone bein all gothed out in black. i got it all figured out but i think i actually look GOOD in it. it shows off my figure lol. im so dumb....
i have to work on my ss project tomorrow....damn...oh man i helped somebody today! i was talking to mike about his profile or whatever and i told him that id be there for him and he was all happy and he was like thanks its good to know. yay! and now we're talking cuz idt we've done that in awhile which is good. he told me all about myrtle beach and what its like down there. oh boy i cant wait...
alright im gonna go finish talkin to david...
bye bye! |
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|
| arghh.. |
[Mar. 26th, 2004|06:32 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  i feel crappy... | ] |
well these past couple of days have been very very interesting...i had like 9 outs at the scrimmage last night and then i fell asleep in the car while it was running for an hour and got a mild case of carbon monoxide poisoning fun fun! lol when i got home my a/m was "carbon monoxide poisoning is bad" and mike IMed me and he was lke yeah it is lol hes funny. then it scared david so much that he had to hear it from my mommy that i was alright. he kept telling me to go to the hopsital...
we had a timing in keyboarding and i did bad. wow i feel retarted. i have to keep researching for that global project and finish all the makeup work for bio. i gotta get on track man! i cant wait to go home. im gonna shower ( i like those lol) and im gonna straighten my hair and pretty-fy myself and go out! WOOHOO! it seems like i never go out anywhere anymore. were going to see dawn of the dead and im gonna fuckin pee my pants i betcha...
i have a tummy ache :-(
alright well im gonna go take that bio quiz...
adios! |
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| i dunno... |
[Mar. 25th, 2004|06:28 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  bouncy | ] |
well idk todays going ok. i got pulled outta third period with barb and we sat in the media center and chilled. it was pretty cool if you ask me but whatever. i saw mr.c and ms randall there and ms randall was ont he computers and mr.c was standing behind her playing with her hair...kinda creepy if ya ask me...im waiting to do my scheduling for NFA next year. im soo excited. i cant wait to get outta here. today we have a scrimmage at home and i dont think im gonna start. me and barb were talking about what would happen if i didnt stay up on varsity. i dont mind not being on varsity but i was just thinking about the shit that people are gonna give me and how horribly im gonna get made fun of. itll just be more and more stress. not good. ms. finegan keeps forgetting to send that fax and im gonna get into trouble....
other than that things have been going really really well and all is good so i guess i shouldnt be complaining. oh well its just what i do best i guess... |
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| is it bad? |
[Mar. 22nd, 2004|10:52 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  im so confused... | ] |
| [ | music |
| | when you love someone... | ] |
today was a little out of hand. im not quite sure why it just wasnt right. this morning was good. i took a spanish quiz that i better pass or else. i went to band and then a lesson. im trying to get back on track. i have to fucking finish that mitosis lab and go to the library for my social studies project and pick out a book for english and do my oral report thingie. fuck i am so screwed. i know it. i didnt eat lunch today which was idk interesting. i was starving later on so i guess it wasnt cool. i havent been feeling well so i havent really eaten at all lately....
softball was alright. we got our playbooks which was cool. i was very excited about that. we have a scrimmage tomorrow. that should be fun and a distraction at the least. i got the rest of the stuff i needed which is pretty much everything. my cleats and sliders and new gloves and an ankle slider. im happy....
lately things have been weird. i finally have everything in place exactly where i want it (kinda lol) and i look around at everyone else and how happy they are and it depresses me. it makes me sad to see other people. sad isnt it? i must be some kind of sick freak lol or at least i feel like one. its true tho. i look around and read ppls live journals and all that and i see how happy and excited and all that and it makes me upset and jealous. yet im not one to say that im not happy because i am. idk. im jealous of others' happiness yet im happier than ive ever been in my whole entire life. i confuse myself sometimes i really do lol. oh well....
p.s.
i owe all my happiness to you!
i < 3 you david |
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silencedtears0's journal
im so strange!